ITHICS

As a supporter of SAFC, I am all too familiar with the concept of ‘ITHICS’ or, ‘It’s the hope I can’t stand!’ Yes, there will be highs along the way, but ultimately, you will be disappointed! (On that note, 21/5/22 at Wembley was an incredible high!) Serial dog owners encounter a similar concept – just substitute ‘hurt’ for ‘hope’. So I ask, is the hurt worth it?

Ellie communicates with Grace in the book, and why not? If you are an owner, you will have experienced those occasions when you suddenly notice your dog studying you intently; head slightly tilted, an open, curious gaze assessing your mood. Are they speculating why we are not responding to their telepathy? I know it might sound like nonsense but wouldn’t you want to live in a world where it is true?

When we suffer the hurt of losing a dog, we can’t always put into words why it affects us so deeply. Sure, there is an irrevocable and unwelcome disruption to familiar, shared routines. A void opens with little clue about how it might be filled. But at that time, we become aware of something much more profound; it was how our companion lived its life that enriched ours. They didn’t really do anything other than just be, always living in the moment, and maybe we didn’t take enough time to share and enjoy that experience. If you reach later life, having spent most of it in the company of a dog, you will have encountered significant emotional highs and lows. When you gaze for the first time at that newly-arrived, adorable bundle of fluff, part of you already knows that a heartbreaking farewell is included in the deal. Some people never get a second dog because of the agonising trauma of losing the first. I understand and sympathise entirely, but I think it is a real shame to be deprived of another life-enhancing relationship because it has to end one day. There’s something else too! Doesn’t your heart have an almost infinite capacity to cradle as many dogs as you want to love? That next one introduces you to even more insights and helps ease the hurt without ever overwriting beautiful memories you’ll hold forever.

It can be bittersweet when a new dog arrives, a sense of disloyalty almost haunting those early days. Our four-year-old grandson grew up with Ellie in his life from day one. One of our favourite photos is of him, around a year old, and Ellie on our bed. She is lying at right angles behind him, and he is leaning nonchalantly back against her, drinking milk from a bottle. They look so comfortable in each other’s company, gentle companionship flowing in both directions.

When we lost Ellie, he was almost four, and eight-week-old Ruby came to live with us a few months later. At first, he struggled to bond with her. Although he couldn’t articulate it, we could see that his connection to Ellie was still powerfully loyal. That, along with the fact that he was still processing his first experience of death, he understood intuitively at a much deeper level that pain would inevitably follow any love he allowed himself to give to Ruby. They say never act with animals and children, but you can certainly learn much from them.

My question at the start was, ‘Is the hurt worth it?’ I can only talk from a personal viewpoint, and I say, unequivocally, yes! Even with the ‘Groundhog Day’ effect of reliving those harrowing endings. Ellie’s predecessor in our home was Sally. She was 15 when we lost her, and it was an awful night when it happened. Ellie arrived in due course, and a few years after, we unwisely decided to watch ‘Marley and Me’ on New Year’s Eve. The wave of emotion that swept us into the next year was not what we planned. Twelve months later, undeterred by our experience and certainly learning nothing from it, we selected ‘Hachi, a Dog’s Tale’ as our New Year’s Eve treat. Spoiler alert! Richard Gere’s death halfway through is sad, but prepare to be overwhelmed as the film nears its end! As a sort of antidote, ‘A Dog’s Journey’ with Denis Quaid is worth watching. I loved its theme of reincarnation, and although there were tears at the end, I think they sprang from a different, more hopeful place. I guess the one thing all three films have in common is the capacity to remind you that even when it ends, the love you expressed is never lost.

Post Views : 58